The Real Me: Abundantly More Through God's Grace

A little bit over a year ago I wrote to myself before college. I wrote about who I was and to not forget that girl while college went on. Well, needless to say that draft went on unread and unnoticed for the entirety of last year...

But, I grew.

Here I am, standing alive and well with a summation of stories and experiences the Lord has consumed my life with. I had lost all motivation last year-and honestly couldn't even find the time this year-to write on this blog again. I have missed it, and I have missed updating everyone on my life that I don't even know where to begin. I guess I'll start by saying...

God's love is lavishing, and He is in every minute detail of life.

I'm going to be honest and vulnerable on here and say that freshman year was difficult. I was naive, fell to temptation more often than not, and was weak spiritually. To make a long story short; I never showed up to church, my anxiety grew, and I was sick almost every day of the year. I was to the point where I couldn't even take care of myself I was so weak spiritually (and physically), that God had to physically intervene into my situation and forcibly remove what needed to be taken care of, and replace it with thoughts above. Quarantine did a full 180 for my mind that I would not replace those lonely months for the world. Do not get me wrong, there was a lot of pain. A lot of tears. A lot of wrestling with God. A lot of anger. A lot of bitterness. A lot of forgiveness. A lot of self-discovery. A lot of repentance. A lot of healing. And a lot of growth. But these steps of grief and growth led to the best hope and glorifying God story (and in the words of Pastor Jonathan from Shades..) through my words and through my wounds.

Over the summer I experienced Christ in a whole new way through the Holy Spirit and it truly shifted my spiritual walk. If you want to know more about this story, I'd love to tell you individually if you message me. It's a story that is very near to my heart, but is something personal I would rather have an intentional conversation about. The only way I can explain it is overwhelming grace, immense love, and astounding friendship.

After this experience, my trajectory shifted, and I believe I grew more in 6 months of solitude than throughout my entire life. I began to pray over the entirety of quarantine for this new semester and a new year as a sophomore. I prayed for a semester in pursuit of Him and one where we would remain at school. I prayed for peace. Every. Single. Day. Peace was something I've battled to grasp since eighth grade when my anxiety began, and I believed it no longer had a hold on me anymore. I knew this semester would look different due to covid, but I deeply prayed for peace and contentment despite how this semester may look from a distance. And the only words that came to my mind after the semester began was:

Abundantly More.

I began to meet so many new people, have coffees, and build relationships I never would have dreamed of. He began to use me for my spiritual gifts and I saw Him in everything each day. I started going to my church consistently, where as last year I practically never showed. I would cry without fail every Sunday at this church (Shades Valley Community in Birmingham) due to its authenticity and the overwhelming sense of lavishing love I felt from the Father. I felt SO undeserving of this love and the way the broken pieces of my life were slowly falling together. I felt such grace. such humility. and finally, such peace. This may sound dark, but I haven't been my genuine joyful self in years. Not to say I haven't been happy. I have. But there is a difference between being joyful and happy. This however, was my joy being restored. This was the Lord showing the fruit of His promises. This was His constant grace in abundance showing me these things:

1. I am allowed (and DESERVE) to be treated well as a human being despite how I've been treated in the past.

2. I am allowed (and SHOULD) let people come and go from my life how the Lord sees fit. Some are here for a life. Some are here for a season. Let go what isn't healthy for you, the right people will be drawn to you. If you like me, you like me. If you don't, you don't.

3. I am allowed to be confident in who I am (and WHOSE i am)and should live unapologetically for it. My identity is in Christ. No one else.

These three things may seem simple on paper, but in reality, these were the things I have struggled my entire life to learn, and God repeatedly tried to teach them to me, it just took a wake up call for me to get them.

Now, all of that being said, none of life is easy going now. I still struggle and face challenges. Nothing is perfect. However, I have gained experience and divine knowledge to help others who may struggle with the same. To whoever it may concern, God sees you, and KNOWS you. You don't need to find your worth in anyone/anything else but Him. In the end, He's the one who created you and matters more than the opinion of some teenage boy/girl. Knowing that the Lord of the universe already has your life mapped out was a big head/heart connection I wasn't making, and when it finally clicked, I realized that the people He wants in my life are going to show up no matter what, so leave behind what isn't good. You are so uniquely crafted by divine hands. If someone wants to tell you otherwise legit call me. I've put up with bullying, loneliness, and anxiety my entire life... and it's time to say no to what the enemy tries to plant in your mind. Satan isn't creative; he'll use what he knows makes you tick and try to blow it out of proportion. You're so loved. You're safe. I know what it feels like to be on the outside. I know what it feels like to feel unseen. But trust me you're not unseen, you're just hidden for a portion of time until the Lord wants you to grow (A Beautiful Story podcast C3 NYC). Do not put up with less than what a daughter/son of the King deserves. You are forgiven for anything done in the past and so deserving and worthy of love. Your story isn't finished, and as I realized over quarantine, it's only just beginning.

Stay in pursuit. Be patient.

🕊mw